I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
try to milk me bitch
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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