Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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