Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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