The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
