we're blogging at a bar
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
