If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
