tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
