Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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