You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize