bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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