I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
