Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
