One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize