I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
