well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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