I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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