My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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