I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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