YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
