There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
