Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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