Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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