We got so high we made milksteak
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
