i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
