I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I wear drunk well.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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