How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
