god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize