There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
