Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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