I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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