i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
