Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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