I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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