if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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