Pants 0. Shit 1.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
