Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
