You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
