No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
