If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The feeling are messing with the penis
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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