i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The best revenge is premature balding
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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