Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
