Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
