Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
