Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
