You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
