The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
