Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
