You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize