I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
they're like a gay fantastic four
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
