I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
