We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
