He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
