Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize