She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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