Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
