I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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