I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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