I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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