God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
