omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Drake has all the answers
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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