The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
