would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize