dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
