So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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