Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize