i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
