We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't deserve a penis
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
