Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
