I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
