we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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