Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
