Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
