Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize