i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
