best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
