super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize