there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
