don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
