you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
