Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
