community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
