What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize