he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
