I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
