then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
