i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
