I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
