Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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