And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Too much gin, very little bucket
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
