Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The beer is more important than you right now.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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