Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
