dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
