Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
