YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize