omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
