Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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