Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
