I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
