Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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