I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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