Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
